the love that you made
by sparklylulz
Summary: "I'm going to follow you, Harry," Her whispers fill his ears. "Even if that means to death." -Harry/Hermione EWE? Slight AU. For Sara.


**a/n: **Hello all! I love Harry, so I hope you enjoy this piece. I really love the song it's named after also, it's incredibly beautiful. Merry Christmas, Sara!

**(This work has been edited for errors.)**

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><p><em><strong>'the love that you made'<strong>_

"_You warn me so much;  
>The white to your left, the red to your right<br>are all that I'd seen, 'til I realized the love that I seek  
>lies right in between"<em>

–

He's nearly sixteen years old when he learns that he has to either steal the life of another man or allow his own to be taken and that's always been the path he'll have to go down - no matter if he knew it or not.

For the first few days this realization is numbed by Sirius' death and the withdrawal from his friends. But suddenly, he's back at the Dursley's and left alone with nothing but his thoughts for hours at a time. Days spent picturing his own destruction and the crushing blow it will be to everyone that matters to him.

Mostly when he thinks about dying it's Hermione's face that swims before his mind the most; her familiar kind smile or frustrated expression when he asks to borrow her homework. Hermione is a constant point - he owes her more than he can ever express fully, even to himself. He knows that for the first time since meeting her, this is something he needs to do alone.

He's never found her ugly before, but it isn't until he's lying in his dark and drafty bedroom he suddenly discovers that Hermione is, in fact, incredibly beautiful in her own way.

He finds it alarming that he can recall with perfect clarity each lock of her wild hair and the exact shade of pink her nose turns in the winter. The chances that he'll die are higher than ever before, but all he thinks of are Hermione's bright eyes and exasperated sighs.

Rolling over to go to sleep, he tries to not hate himself over the fact that he's wasted so many years being blind and not telling Hermione how amazing she is every day for the last six years.

–

When he sees the bushy-haired girl again he swallows his heart, which seems to be perpetually stuck in his throat, and reminds himself that there's no future for her with him, since there's really no future for him - period.

It's all the same because he doesn't miss Ron's long suffering gazes at her in the halls, or at breakfast, or in the common room.

He's not surprised because she's grown in a fierce woman, and what man would be foolish enough to choose someone else? He watches her eyes sparkle with laughter at something Ron says one night and he can see it all plain as day: their wedding, their children, their entire lives spent together, neither knowing what he felt or how he would have changed absolutely _everything _if death hadn't been his destiny all along.

Still her cool fingers brush his when there are no eyes upon them and he knows in his heart that she knows, too. She's always known.

"I'm going to follow you, Harry," Her whispers fill his ears. "Even if that means to death."

The words snake around his heart and feel like an icy dagger.

"I won't let you die for me, Hermione." Their noses are almost touching and he can tell that her lips would be warm and full and he can't stop thinking about kissing her.

Her eyes flash suddenly as she gives him a fierce gaze, "That's not your choice, Harry Potter, and you can't stop me from choosing you."

It's like a brick to the chest, because he knows the forced confession is probably the most honest thing she's ever said aloud. Suddenly he finds himself wondering what else she's holding back from him.

–

The feelings for Ginny creep up on him, through quite smiles and fierce warmth, but that doesn't make them any less vivid. He's held Hermione's sobbing form in his arms one too many times over Ron to ever think that her heart belongs to him.

Besides, Ginny understands who he is and she won't follow him into death like a madwoman. She has an entire family of people to miss her, but Harry is supposed to die and it'd be foolish for anyone to deny this, so when he breaks things off with her it's mostly relief in his heart mixed with the determination.

He's been ready to leave for sometime, because Dumbledore's death did not paralyze him with self-loathing and hatred as Sirius' had. But the courage stems from his two best friends deciding that his life was more important than the one they might share together.

They set off into the sunset and he's momentarily blinded by the shine glinting from the familiar bushy head. It's all he can do to remember how to breathe.

–

_You have to die, _he hisses to himself, _you've always known that. _But he'd ignored it, pushed it back, pretended he could be a normal bloke. His mind begins to drift to her once again and he cringes; _Love can't save you this time. _He knows this is true: _if you don't die, then she definitely will._ It's his turn to sacrifice his love as his mother had done for him so many years before; the thought of Lily comforts the ever growing buzzing in his brain as his resolution to die grows stronger.

He thinks back to the weeks he spent just with her - of her tears and her smiles and every little piece that made her _Hermione_ and for the first time he really feels like crying. He doesn't though, because he knows if he allows even one tear he'll never walk into that forest and do what has to be done.

He forgets that she _knows _him, though, to the very core of his being. They've been tethered together for nearly eight years and she's not the brightest witch of her age for just any old reason. She runs out in front of him as he passes a crumbling castle wall, her arms around his neck before he can dodge her.

"_I'll go with you!_" She exclaims desperately, holding him to her with all the remaining energy in her defeated body.

"No." He says quickly, "This is _my _fight, Hermione. It's _my_ death that has to happen." He breathes into her hair, full of ash and debris and he still thinks it's the best smell in the world. "I told you - I won't let you die for me." He sucks in a deep breath because it's sort of now or never.

"Hermione, if you were to die - I don't know what - look, you just _can't_." He ends lamely, hoping she'll understand.

"I told you that you can't stop me from choosing you." She whispers pulling back, eyes wet and voice thick, she places one hand on his cheek and leans in. "It's always going to be you, even after you're-" But she can't go on and instead places her lips on his.

It's everything and anything he'd hoped it would be and he can't bring himself to care that he'll soon be gone, because if this is his last memory it's more than worth any torture Voldemort can put him through.

She watches him disappear into the forest before closing her eyes and thinking he's wrong - death would be the greatest gift she could receive. Without Harry, there's no color left in the world for her.

–

They don't really mention what happened on the eve of his death and the end of the battle for weeks and weeks to the point where he's convinced he dreamed it up. Ron sinks into depression over losing a brother and Harry takes to drinking more than he should. Hermione tries to be normal - she goes back to help rebuild Hogwarts and for the first time since they were eleven, Harry feels like they don't know each other anymore.

Sometimes she shows up late at night in his fireplace because she knows he's probably passed out or so drunk he won't remember her. Still, she's always there because she's always going to choose him and that's the way it's always been.

"Hermione?" He asks one morning as he looks over to her position on his sofa. She's stayed because she's tired of beating around the bush and she looks up at him.

She cuts through him like a knife with her gaze, "Here's what's going to happen, Harry Potter: we're going to get you better and then you're going to take me on a proper date with flowers, because I deserve that, and then when the moment is right you're going to ask me to marry you and I'll say yes and we can stop this stupid dance we've been doing for the past decade!"

She sounds so tired it breaks his heart, but he cups her cheek in his warm palm, watching her eyes glaze over with tears.

"Don't cry, Hermione." He breathes, "I'm _always_ going to choose you."

–

They get married in Godric's Hollow, because it just feels right and when Ron shows up with Luna Lovegood they don't say anything, because it all sort of makes sense in the end, and they've had enough curiosities for a lifetime.


End file.
